I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Say something about gay babies.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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