For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
