JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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