That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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