Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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