I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex bonerless
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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