I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
