12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
