he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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