She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
