I think I have vodka in my lungs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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