Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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