okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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