Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
