You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize