You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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