Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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