I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
