yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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