I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
