I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize