Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
