I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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