2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
