i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
