He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
