Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize