Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drake has all the answers
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
