I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
