I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
