I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
