got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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