wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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