what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
