I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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