So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
