She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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