Your face is a jimmy john
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
