did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can text with my tongue
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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