Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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