You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my shit smells like andre
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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