I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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