GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
