i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
