Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
