The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
