OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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