listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
