After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
