I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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