apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
