you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
