brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize