HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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