Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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