Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
