Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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