Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
