Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
