Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
