Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
