his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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