I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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