she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
