I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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