It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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