You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
