I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
