And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
